(Mis)adventures in Homeschooling

I love my son more than anything on the planet, so much so that I pulled him out of public school in March of last year.  He has always struggled a bit in school; he was a reluctant reader, and he always had trouble recalling things that he learned at school.  All of his teachers had been very proactive and up front with me; then he got to grade 3.  His teacher was matter-of-fact and generous to the students, however, she was not what I would call approachable.  Whenever I had questions regarding Kyle's progress, she would become very defensive, as if I was calling her teaching style into question. For the first part of the year, I would shrug it off as growing pains, adjusting to a new teacher, or me misreading the signs.  However, as the year progressed, I noticed she was not in class on many days; she was in training or doing something for the district (I'm sure the new common core rules had something to do with it).  In addition, when I would be frustrated with how information was disseminated, she would take it VERY personally, and sent me many messages telling me everything she did on the back end to improve the curriculum.   Now I appreciate all the hard work teachers do; for crying out loud, I am the child of a teacher!  However, I felt like she never "heard" me; she was always defending her position, rather than try to communicate with me as to how to make my child's time in class a richer, more positive experience.

This particular year, the school abolished all homework.  They wanted all the learning to be done in the classroom, because their studies showed that the kids were getting burnt out.  Because Kyle is a daydreamer, I asked her to please provide me with the coursework she was doing with the kids this year.  She flatly refused, reiterating that they did not want the kids doing ANY schoolwork at home.  This was frustrating to me, because we always had to do a bit of "re-learning" at home due to Kyle's attention span and propensity to daydream.  He would often drift off in class, and have no idea what they were doing.  I advised her of his tendencies, and she stated that she had it under control and she would have no trouble redirecting him when he got distracted.

Which leads me to the spring of 2015.  It was parent-teacher conference time.  Stephen and I had conflicting work schedules, and I had asked her if we could do a tele-conference or something of that nature.  She wanted to do it in person, because she wanted to be able to have the reading specialist there to discuss his reading progress (he had been going to her for 2 years).  So Stephen and I re-arranged our schedules to accommodate her request.  On the day in question, we showed up at Kyle's classroom; she stated we would be meeting in the library, which I thought was odd.  I kept seeing all of these signs that said "Student Success Team" Meetings, and I started to get a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.  We were on our way to the library and my skin literally started crawling.  Like, I felt like we were about to get ambushed.  I looked at Stephen, and said, "You are going to have to do all the talking.  I feel like we are being set up."  He looked at me quizzically, and said, "OK. Don't worry about it."

We got into the library, and we were met by a GROUP of people.  Kyle's teacher, the reading specialist, the special needs teacher, two school psychologists, one district psychologist and the principal of the school.  This was incredibly overwhelming and intimidating.  We had no idea this was going to be a team meeting.  We had done one before, when he was in grade 1, and we had a meeting with his teacher, the reading specialist, and the principal.  We were properly informed by his teacher that the meeting was to take place, and gave us an agenda as to what we would discuss.  At this particular meeting, at no time did his teacher ever tell us what we were walking into.  In essence, Kyle was under-performing in school.  He was always tired, had headaches, and was often day dreaming and lacked focus.  However, Kyle wasn't doing so terrible that he had to be placed in remedial classes, nor was he eligible to be held back.  Stephen asked what they could offer as far as assistance went.  They said those were the only options and he did not qualify for either of those.  But, we needed to reinforce what he was learning at home!  (Did I mention I had asked for a syllabus at the beginning of the term????)  Because obviously the problem was that we did not take an active role in his education.

I never had any idea I was going to be grilled by a panel of idiots who were trying to discern what the problem was at home (i.e. their supposed reason Kyle wasn't succeeding at school, because it couldn't have been a MAJOR shift in their teaching style that confused little minds).  It was horrible.  They all but accused us of cheating, doing his work for him, not giving him a nutritional diet, or exercise.  I did absolutely no talking in the meeting, because I was furious.  I just sat there as the angriest of tears streamed down my face.  For if I were to say or do anything, it would have been to reach across the table and strangle his teacher.  I am a peaceful person, and I can find many justifications for these types of behaviors, but I have never felt vilified before.  And I could see that his teacher did not want to take ANY responsibility for allowing this situation to deteriorate.

Within a week, we made the decision to pull him out of school.  I quit my job, enrolled him in K12, and began our journey of homeschooling.  Little did I know what I was getting myself into.  Kyle does struggle a lot with schoolwork.  He is almost completely undisciplined.  I wonder how much time we lost in grade 3, with all of the shenanigans that went on. Some of the challenges that I learned right away...

1.  Kyle's propensity to daydream is off the charts.  I found that if he is left to work independently, he will stare into space for hours.
2.  His reading is very staccato.  He doesn't try to sound out words.  He looks at the first few letters and tries to guess.
3.  He is like Teflon. Things don't stick. If he doesn't have a vested interest in a subject, all he hears is "blah, blah, blah."
4.  He never learned his times tables.  Common Core did not focus on the rote learning of the times tables.  The kids were given a chart to refer to for everything and were not required to memorize them. (See #3).
5.  He is super creative.  He makes up fantastic stories, which would make great papers, if he were disciplined enough to write.
6.  He hates cursive writing, and has a VERY hard time making the letters.
7.  He loves to draw, but has not progressed beyond stick figures.
8..  He cannot concentrate for long periods of time.

We figured out a routine, and got him through grade 3.  I love teaching him, and I love how much time I get to spend with him, how much I learn about him.  The tougher things to navigate are how to help him succeed when it seems all hope is lost. Now that we are in grade 4, things have become increasingly difficult for him.  Math is getting harder, and I feel he hasn't learned the basics.  So we are trying to figure out how to go back and re-learn some things while still trying to stay ahead of the coursework.

Kyle and I are a team.  I try every day to make sure he learns in a supportive environment.  Having said that, lately I have been having trouble keeping my cool when he doesn't want to do the work.  I have been pro-active and posted school rules, and we have a point system for rewards and punishments.  Lately, however, his frustration level is really high, and I am starting to feed off of his negative energy.  We are so close to one another, that I really feel his frustration. I have to admit that I am struggling to keep it together, and this week has been particularly unsuccessful. I have yelled at him like I never thought I would, and the resulting guilt I feel is massive.  I need to step back and take a look at how to make things more positive, like when we first started.  I think we are in a rut, and we need to find a better way.  I know we can do it.  One of our rules is to have a "CAN DO" approach, and I need to find that "CAN DO" spirit, in the face of wanting to slit my wrists....arrgh!!!


Thank God It's Friday!!